I always wanted to be a basket case. On the edge, taxicab driver steering my thoughts. Compulsively impulsive, making the wrong choices more than half of the time. I wanted to be a lunatic with no limits and no control.
You may not realize it, but there's something deep inside every one of us, working with our subconscious. You may not notice it, but while we eat, breathe and sleep something strains itself to make our life what we want it to be. And you may not realize it, but slowly you'll become what you never thought possible, and you won't even know it. You'll become what you dreamt of being, and it won't phase you in the least.
I alway
Anxiety?
I guess this cycle will go on:
Fooling myself, pangs of denial.
I'll just blame it on something else,
Because all the while
As long as I don't have to tell the truth
My real fears won't rise to the
Surface.
Is it so obvious?
All these years, all this time,
Have these life-wrecking circumstances
All come down to this?
Somewhere down the line,
I suppose facing this is going to have to
Occur,
For if I wish to help others
I cannot show sevenfold their hurt.
Have all my relationships died due to this?
Will my career choice fail?
A tightening grip around my realities...
Will I live to tell the tale?
fin
Falling into this temptation,
closer to regret,
needing this feeling of determination,
I'm afraid I can't quite forget,
follow my instincts,
It's all I've got left,
hold me closer,
all I'll wanna do is break free,
I can't be caged any longer,
this life isn't enough for me,
follow if you must,
but I'm not stopping for anyone anymore,
I've unmasked this beast,
set it free and ran,
can't quite catch my breath,
this adrenaline is more than enough,
continuously searching,
hoping to find,
I'm not sure anymore,
but all I've got is time,
time to waste,
leave me breathless and out of place,
fall back into that life I know,
never
Surreal
My limbs come apart from
My body,
And then my eyes overglaze:
Seeing through the eyes of another
Never touched the senses of the sane---
Never again.
Transparency overwhelms us;
Hearts beating intune, intertwined.
Seconds explode into hours,
Interlocking us into uneven
Time.
These feelings are not mine.
If only existence could inform
It's inhabitants
Of the uncontrollable habits
We exhibit.
fin
It's the way you hold my shoulders
when the sky breaks down and cries
It's the way you're full of nothings
like the empty in your eyes
It's the promises you give me
as you grumble through your teeth
It's the way you're full of nothings,
the way you mean nothing to me
i loved your scarf. it was twice as long as you were tall, so that you wrap it twice around your neck and still have the ends fall almost to your feet. and it was the most beautiful shade of crimson, bloody murder, fire and brimstone, and when you wore it, it looked for all the world like ribbons of blood spattering around you.
i remember you used to dance in the rain, hair flattening to your face and becoming nearly black. you would dance and sing sad songs and twirl, your beautiful scarf floating around you in defiance of gravity.
when you left for the War, i was lonely. i would shuffle the old deck of cards you gave me, the one we us
Disconnection
Feeling disconnected from society,
A red paint drop in a sea of white.
The one thing I vowed not to be
Has wormed itself into my life.
Black coats, hats, glasses, a clipboard,
Hiding, watching, waiting in the dark.
A split second and the truth is revealed
A rush of adrenaline a rage of the heart.
Constant guilt, constant regret,
How could a night out turn into this?
Waiting for a phonecall to take me away,
Waiting for evidence to say I lied.
Swallow me up ground,
Take me away.
Feeling so distant and tainted
Seems like it's here to stay.
fin
Every time you don't call back,
I pluck
another
flower petal
off the daisy
on my floor, and
and wonder here
in silence, should I
settle for incompetence
or start looking for more.
Just let it roll of me like water.
Just let the little comments slide.
Just let the feelings subside.
I am not made of stone.
I am not fragile.
I am myself.
Standing.
Scared.
Tomorrow And Forever And... by Howl-of-existence, literature
Literature
Tomorrow And Forever And...
You stare me back from forth, waiting for me to come.
but Im heavy and doubtful; Im so terrified to run.
Its boring and sombre, youre in bloom with glow
You can whisper and move me, but my spirit wont go.
Im frightened to leave it, It can kill me with speed
I fear a shortage of breath, But I never did need breathe.
Im self destructive and recent, then Heaven beckons me down;
And it smells just like home does, But I dont need this town.
These roads are familiar, let me turn and hide.
I dont want this anguish, nor this beauty in my eyes
But Im wanting and lustful, Im cr